Miss Alexandrina

The thinking-space of a not-quite novelist


2 Comments

Why Don’t We Talk About Intangible ‘Firsts’?

The whole world seems to put a great deal of significance on ‘life events’ and romance checkpoints – first kiss, first time…first marriage (in some cases) – which leaves out a great deal of people, not least asexuals or aromantics.

However, society appears to be missing a certain chunk of what it is to be human – that other side of ‘firsts’ that can’t so easily be tallied down by the amount of winks one gets. The un-countable aspects of kindness, morality, and social equality that occur between more than simply the lovers.

Why don’t we talk about those intangible firsts in life? The ones that matter to people who don’t or can’t experience the same levels of emotional or romantic ‘achievements’ as those who have been on a thousand dates. As a society, we spend far too much time on the physical, but abandon what is more important to the health of our people: the life spirituality (whatever that may mean to you – gods or aether or self-concepts).

These can be anything, from the smallest things to the biggest things. Things that made you feel respected and your unique true self.

The first time someone treated me like an adult individual.

The first time someone validated my opinion, or disagreed with it in a scientific and organised manner.

The first time someone called me beautiful. And meant it.

The first time someone truly grinned at one of my super-eccentric moments.

The first time someone listened to one of my wine-fuelled rants, and didn’t end up with a condescending expression.

We are acting as if these moments mean nothing, when actually they mean a great deal. Who cares about who kissed whom where and with what? The bad and the good of real, everyday life should be considered when we talk about first times – for the sake that they are more inclusive, and for the sake that they mean a deal more.


Leave a comment

Quick Takes Friday About A Week of Thankfulness

Didn’t post last week after having to rush about, but now I find myself with so much to say. One of the things I’ve always found difficult about being a Christian is including God in my everyday life, in everything I do.

And then there are weeks, like this gone week, where I wake up and remember how blessed He has made me in life, even if have to put my all into trusting Him.

A lovely way to start quick takes Friday, eh? Even if the dusk has turned almost to night outside my bedroom window.

7_quick_takes_sm1

~1~

What’s new this week? Well, what isn’t new! I have been so thankful to God this week for the ‘break’ I’ve had to do some much needed catching up. Reading Uni had its ‘enhancement’ week this week, and whilst the Philosophy department took a break from lectures, seminars and tutes, the school of Psychology had planned a Big Science project for us, compulsory. So much for a break, eh? *grin*

~2~

The Lord blessed my good friend, Lillian Woodall and I with similar friendships this week, and a further amusing mirroring in our daily lives. I rather miss her company and her critical eye (and encouragement!) on my work, but our internet conversations keep us merry.

~3~

I wrote two essays in less than four days from pretty much nothing and I read a great load of extra reading in my spare time. I thank God for the mornings, Starbucks winter lattes and that he gives me the inspiration to a) know what I’m going to say, and b) enjoy arguing my points.

~4~

I seem to have made myself a position in the university mass service choir, aptly in the church in which I was confirmed: lead soprano (because I have the loudest female voice and can sight-read to fairly able pitch!). I rather like being on the other side of the table (or, church, as it were in their cross-shaped), though it cuts into my usual dinner time. Oh well. Give and take.

~5~

Nevertheless, most of my bouncy bouncy optimism has returned. I thank God for the music that peps me up, the sport I play and the health I feel.

~6~

The weather has been turbulent in a cold way. My room being behind a tree, my light goes on a half 3 nowadays, but I’ve also been forced *gasp* to wrap up, coat, scarp, jumpers.

No wonder I prefer summer, xD.

P1020157

~7~

On the other hand, I had to sacrifice writing and editing. My count for thus week is near nothing:

Maybe it was time to give up on ever sharing his life, or that his warm fingers would envelope her cold ones, or a soothing hand would find her knee in an absent-minded caress. She’d never relied on romance films for her heart, but now the concept alone of Laurie-and-Jess (and thank goodness their names failed the shipping tests of ‘CAnais’) kept her wanting and kept her wishing. But it was one element of her life, and if Laurie was happy to shift her into that ‘friendzone’ the internet blathered about, Jess would live with that.

Right?

I wonder if Jess has the same genetic peculiarity that I have of constantly cold extremities. Typing this, I’m currently wearing fingerless-gloves indoors because my hands are uncomfortably chilly.


Leave a comment

The Crucifixion

Alexandrina Brant:

Thoughts on The Crucifixion sorrowful mystery of the Rosary in this October month of the Rosary.

Originally posted on Deep in the well:

The final sorrowful mystery is difficult for some to truly grasp the whole idea of it. Ultimately it is an act of love but all to often we tend to focus on the sadness of the event. Jesus suffers and dies for all of us no matter who we are we have been saved through Jesus. Love is the base of our life and faith, without it there is nothing. This recent synod of Bishops they have been talking about “non traditional” couples and divorce. The media has gone mad over this changing view of homosexuality in the church, I however do not see this changing view, I know of many homosexuals who are active in the church and all that jazz. Even Pope Francis said before “Who am I to judge.” If Jesus were alive today he would most likely be with the homosexuals and other fringe group in…

View original 132 more words


3 Comments

Beautiful People: Agnetha

I’m editing her first adventure at the moment, so I think it’s appropriate that I tell you a little about my favourite – and first – protagonist via the Notebook Sisters and Further Up and Further In monthly meme.

I turned my attention to the question of names – and my realisation was bitter. Inwardly, I cursed at the simple word Leonard. And how joyful I was when toothbrush-moustache came through the double doors, clutching his informative clipboard of the random facts nobody wanted to know.

Oh, hai, Agnetha King.

She could totally be Stitch.

1) What does your character regret the most in their life?

I suppose Agnetha’s greatest regret would be that she never got to know Josh Craig as much as she thought she did. You know? That realisation that you’re never going to see someone again and suddenly every little thing of theirs becomes the most important thing in the universe. She finds it difficult to conventionally make friends, and so losing one best friend is a blow to the soul, definitely (soul being my word, not Agnetha’s). Students her own age are moronic and self-centred, but maybe later she’ll regret never making those close friends when she had the chance.

2) What is your character’s happiest memory? Most sorrowful memory?

I guess Agnetha’s happiest memory (or one of; it’s very difficult to pin-point one exactly, and thus I’m going for the most obvious in answer to this) is one she reflects on in Of Jackets and Phones: when she first meets Josh Craig in the corridor of her school. It’s that kind of electricity that warms one’s soul (“cue the pyrotechnics, Steve!”) and that connection of knowledge and self.

Her most sorrowful memory? When she loses him. That exact moment DI Leonard says those words died in suspicious circumstances. It influences a lot of her future actions, though I’m not sure that’s a good thing when it interacts with the facets of her already-personality, such as the petty kleptomania*. However, as we’ll later see (when I get around to writing it), she plays with the ring she steals from his house before making any massive decisions, as if she wants to channel Josh and his good heart.

3) What majorly gets on your character’s nerves?

Her mother and brother. They don’t quite get her love of unwinding mysteries and trying to crack puzzles. Although (by the third book) she no longer talks to her father, she might get her logical mind from him, whereas her mother and brother are more…simple and down to Earth. They take things at face-value.

4) Do they act differently when they’re around people as opposed to being alone? If so, how?

Agnetha, especially as she gets older, has to subdue herself around others. Her personality does almost a complete flip. In OJAP, she’s definitely a ponderer on the inside and bolshie on the outside, a rebellious little fourteen-year-old; by OOLE, the third book in the trilogy, she’s a lot more of a thinker on the outside, and has to hold in her own opinions when in the working world. Agnetha’s finally learnt that authority is (not so much) out to get her. At least she’s not pulling punches and pulling pistols on people by the time she’s eighteen!

5) What are their beliefs and superstitions?

In Of Jackets and Phones, Agnetha has yet to have a religion, but she is fourteen and teetering on the brink of depression, so that’s acceptable. However, she believes in fatalism and this influences her pessimistic view of life.

6) What are their catchphrases, or things they say frequently?

Whilst Agnetha doesn’t have a definite catchphrase more than fidgeting habits, she does tend to make the most facetious of remarks. A couple of times in OJAP, she makes references to mystery writers (as per a little satire I’ve attempted to weave), including one of my favourites, Colin Dexter, whose Inspector Morse books are (coincidently, I promise!) set in and around Oxford.

She’s also kind of a compulsive sorter, since physical ordering things allows her to mentally reorganise without using up conscious energy.

7) Would they be more prone to facing fears or running from them?

Running from them, most likely. Whilst physical fears – such as her claustrophobia and facing off against villains – and, actually, one of my favourite scenes from the middle book, Of Moscow Mysteries, is the final fight scene between Agnetha and the antagonist – she seems to face, her inner fears and her emotions she runs from. And those inner demons quake her very shoes.

OMM concept drawing of the fight

OMM concept drawing of the fight

8) Do they have a good self image?

Far from it. I’m not sure if I’ve kept the phrase, but in the first draft, Agnetha studies herself in her bedroom mirror and complains about her blemishes as “a battleground, marks against the perfect snow-white blanket of youth. I’d always been a pale child – a tan never stayed on my skin more than ten minutes.”

9) Do they turn to people when they’re upset, or do they isolate themselves?

Similar, in fact, to #4 and #7, she isolates herself because she’s an introvert and goes so far as to even mock those who are dramatic or possibly overdone in their emotions. She’d never turn to people because she can’t rely on people, though she does occasionally turn to her rabbit, Cinnabun, when she wants to be listened to without interruptions.

10) If they were standing next to you would it make you laugh or cry?

Am I allowed to offer ‘cringe’? Agnetha is likely to make me laugh and cry simultaneously. I can imagine her tossing out her blonde hair and making up some hodge-podge remark as she studies her nails.

*I am well aware that this is probably a linguistic oxymoron.

AgnethaIllustrated_AlexB


Leave a comment

‘The Relationship’

I wrote this poem on Wednesday when this photo I took the same day inspired me.

InstagramCapture_4b24eb0f-a932-4d39-8568-75e2610d8765_jpg

Your sweat and the last refrain of melody and the closing thorn,
It pierced my heart before I’d even known
How to spell out your amour.
In these moments where I curse and scrawl your words over and again,
True realisation is my enemy and enmity
Swells within me, a bitter
Leftover of our poison,
A poison for shelling our mind, enriching our souls.
We know better -
Well, you have your moments of standing by the window – and
Trilling the forlorn tune
(I remember you passed it to me,
Via piano keys
The day you realised
I only play strings)
I’ve kept my mind from the countermelody:
I hum that tune to myself sometimes.
We plucked youth from out of each others hands;
Quite why I didn’t expect the thorns
Ploughed from regret
Nobody factored but you, with your silent
Hands. Bled, I did, and cried as we signed ourselves
Away. Into a word neither
Admitted was our harmony bed.
Your sweat and the last refrain,
And I cut my thorn-decked flesh,
Eyeing your hesitance, knife-point.
No wonder salt lies on the scared.


1 Comment

A Thought for Today: Bunny Bennett’s It Gets Better Video

I may be a cis-gender heterosexual and mostly-heteroromantic woman – and Pride month isn’t particularly a well-announced thing here in England, so I didn’t really know about it – but I wanted to share with you this video by steampunk performer Bunny Bennett.

Yes, it’s an old video, but the band Steam Powered Giraffe has really inspired me these last couple of months, in imagination – and self-confidence.

“Maybe you’re just tired of all the hate in the world.”

One thing I’ve learnt in my year at uni, something much more valuable than Heidegger’s continental approach to considering the world’s existence or how the brain acts on sensation signals, is that the world and its opinions are not narrow. They are not the product of a Catholic girls school (take from that what you will; I’ll only say that the opinions of your school-friends will always be unrealistically petty). Life is not the sole opinion of your parents; you can have your own views, beliefs, loves and that’s more than simply acceptable.

Laws are there for a reason – to keep us safe – and, although political correctness has veered off the helpful track, opinions are not the same as laws. You can feel one thing and act another, and, yes, that doesn’t have to necessarily be a bad thing. Hate and love are not spectra, and, yes, it is possible to feel hate but to show love and turn the other cheek.

The Steampunk community rules!

As Bunny says in the video’s description: “This video isn’t just for the LGBT community. It’s for everyone and anyone that needs it. We all go through tough times. We all have seemingly impossible odds against us.”

I have a friend who lives down the corridor from me, a beautiful, charismatic girl who happens to dress like a 40s pin-up because that’s the kind of fashion she loves. She gets flack, but we all get flack. Everyday. It’s the life we live. Yet, that’s no reason for my friend to stop being pretty with her looks or for me to deny that I do enjoy NeoVictorian and modern NeoVictorian (wearing non-Victorian shirts and trousers but jazzing them up with steam accessories like belts and bows and frills. I love frills.).

And your start is to start loving yourself, and forgiving yourself. We all do silly things and feel arguably silly feels, but beating yourself up for how you feel does no one any good.

I know – this post is comprised of nothing novel. I just wanted to share this beautiful video from a beautiful amazing woman.

Well, life’s too short, so share the love. You know it is. You know it is. Don’t do things that you shouldn’t do, because that’s bad. ;)

 


3 Comments

Happy Solemnity of Peter and Paul

In the Catholic Church calendar, today celebrates the Saints Peter and Paul, martyrs and evangelists of the faith. These two men are great role models of following God’s call even if it means stepping away from what one has come to know. It should be no surprise, then, that their feast is one I know well. On their day is when I have given my faith the greatest of overviews.

I realise I don’t share much of the hymns to which I listen, but YouTube is pale in comparison with witnessing the melodies first-hand and singing them. However, today’s psalm and gospel acclamation lyrics are too beautiful not to share, even in part:

From all my terrors, the Lord set me free. I will trust the Lord at all times, His praise always on my lips. In the Lord, my soul shall make its boast; the humble shall hear and be glad.

They’re very give-all lyrics. One must trust that God has set the right path for one to follow, even if the road ahead is not clear of issues and obstructions. Peter and Paul knew this well – and they eventually died rather than renouncing their faith. That’s amazing.

This year’s feast is particularly poignant for me, as it’s my first as a full Catholic consuming the host, since being confirmed at Pentecost after my conversion. We’ve come far, but we’ve still got a lifetime ahead to trust where understanding must fail.

Follow

Get every new post delivered to your Inbox.

Join 460 other followers