There’s Something About That Bad Feeling

I firmly believe that I have Extrasensory Perception. ESP, the ‘Sixth Sense’ or paranormal psychology, can come in many forms, telepathy, psychic ability, telekinesis…

Though a low-level psychic ability could be interpreted as many things- under the umbrella-sky that is paranormal psychology- I believe that, in me, it comes as the ability to know. Just know is all I can say as an explanation. If I receive an email/phone call slagging me off (believe me, I used to get a lot of these) or one with a rejection inside its folds, I suddenly get an eerie feeling, hesitating, procrastinating. I know there’s something ominous about the piece before I’ve even read the subject line.

How can this realistically happen?

It might be my anxiety and paranoid uncertainty; I become incredibly twitchy in new situations where I don’t know anyone; also, I don’t like talking on the phone and will not pick up if I don’t know who’s ringing me. Behavioural conditioning and bad memories are the most likely causes of interaction anxiety.

Of course, I’m not against coincidences, but, as a believer in both God and a fate-laden path, I’m prone to looking at a situation with eyes that slant towards everything happening for a reason. If I have been given some sort of ESP, it’ll be so that I could use it for good (note my use of merely suggestive conditional) or so that I am able to enhance my living of life with these feelings, as muted and negative as they might turn out to be.

On the other hand, it’s equally fair to state that we could all be considered people with ESP, a humanity that ‘sees’ what’s coming. It’s common to expect the worst. We remember bad memories better than good ones because they have left a bigger impact on our lives. A bad year that we remember is often just more eventful than a ‘good’ year. This is reasonable justification. From an Evolutionary perspective, as animals, we hold ourselves alert to danger; we are more likely to suspect danger because, if we don’t, we are more likely to die.

I’m not decided on what I will always believe, both sides being as probable as they are. Does that really explain my bad anxiety when bad things are about to happen, and no anxiety when the event will not bother me?

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