(TCWT) A Letter to Billy-Ray

March’s Teens Can Write, Too! blog chain is to ‘Write a letter to an antagonist‘. Eer, yeah, I’m not sure that that was going to happen, but then I ended up being put down. On Mother’s Day of all days. So, anyhoo, I’m writing this on the Saturday, in my own *precious* editing time. And, point two, I’m not taking myself very seriously, so don’t expect much seriousness from my dead mind.

200px-Skulduggery_Pleasant_book_coverI chose to write to Billy-Ray Sanguine from the Skulduggery Pleasant series. I don’t think he’s in the first couple of books, but he’s definitely in the second trilogy. And, although he’s not often a major antagonist (and is ambiguous in the final trilogy), he’s an annoying evil-person in mind. And he annoys me enough to write this letter to him…

 To my evil friend enemy, Billy-Ray,

I’d just like to list the ways and reasons I hate you, aside from your general state of being an annoying character in my head. Yeah. The more I think, the more I could complain about you – not as a written character, but as a living person.

I mean, I’d stare you in the eyes if – hey – you actually had eyes. But you9AV6YGCAX71AVLCA84A0ARCA4RPIIWCAZLVHXECALURF4WCAGTJSK1CAVVR24QCAD0GYLKCAEIBQJNCAY05K4CCAXXN9MHCALYUFVBCA92RB6FCAT72A5ZCAYH5CITCAQ2Z756CA8P7ATECARUG8COCA1G6X6X don’t. So, hence comes my first point of your suckiness. What is up with those holes for eyes? It’s hardly a superpower. It’s creepy. Shut up.

Secondly, we need to talk about your attire. Full stop. You obviously don’t have a tailor like hunky Ghastly Bespoke where you live (and, yes, that was a jab against your lack of muscle tone. How nice of you to notice my slander). You could be worse. I’ll kind of bear that in mind, but it’s not changing a thing.

Following on from that – and, let’s see: clothing, appearance, annoyingness (let me list the ways…) – where do you live? Don’t get me wrong – I’m not an idiot – you don’t get an American accent from living in Italy, but where do burrowing worms (literally and insultingly. I’m that clever!) make their demon nest?

You just…don’t make sense, you know.

And yeah, the whole killing thing/obsession? Not impressive. That’s my final point. I hope you can dwell on that. Maybe even cry over it a little when/if you sleep. I could say words are spikier than swords, but I think you wouldn’t understand that.

Not yours,


PS. When I become the clone of Tanith Low, I’m so dumping you. On purpose this time. With the sword. To your throat.

Yeah, I’m evil, too.


tcwt-3 The entire March chain:

March 5thhttp://letsgetwriteral.blogspot.com   

March 6thhttp://themysteriousscribblingbook.wordpress.com/

March 7thhttp://miriamjoywrites.wordpress.com/

March 8thhttp://charlieeatmybook.blogspot.co.uk/

March 9thhttp://kkazulwolf.wordpress.com/

March 10thhttps://missalexandrinabrant.wordpress.com/

March 11thhttp://fida-islaih.blogspot.com/

March 12thhttp://sarahhudsonscribbles.blogspot.ca

March 13thhttp://musingsfromnevillesnavel.wordpress.com/

March 14thhttp://aprilmayjay.blogspot.com/

March 15thhttp://thelittleenginethatcouldnt.wordpress.com/

March 16thhttp://oliviasopinions.wordpress.com/

March 17thhttp://theloonyteenwriter.wordpress.com/

March 18thhttp://insideliamsbrain.wordpress.com/

March 19thhttp://paulinaczarnecki.wordpress.com/

March 20thhttp://notebooksisters.blogspot.com/

March 21sthttp://theteenagewriter.wordpress.com/

March 22ndhttp://myswordandpen.wordpress.com/

March 23rdhttp://mirrormadeofwords.com/

March 24thhttp://eatwritedie.blogspot.com/

March 25thhttp://realityisimaginary.blogspot.com/

March 26thhttp://incessantdroningofaboredwriter.wordpress.com/

March 27thhttp://insatiablebeforedeath.wordpress.com/

March 28th http://teenscanwritetoo.wordpress.com/ (We’ll announce the topic for next month’s chain) 


25 thoughts on “(TCWT) A Letter to Billy-Ray

  1. Great letter! 🙂 You know, I think you’re the first one in the blog chain to not like the villain their writing to.

    1. I think a good many villains would burn our letters! Besides, unlike a lot of teen writers, I’m hero-centric. A villain would see my script on the envelope and burn it there and then!

  2. *Ahem.
    Let me first point ask what this ‘Teens Can Write Too’ thing is. Because I’m so out of the loop it’s become a rectangle.
    Secondly, let me express my extreme surprise and amazement at finding an honest to goodness Skullduggery Pleasant fan.
    Please excuse the following caps lock.

      *deep breath*
      Hi! Haha, thanks. It’s awesome to meet another SP fan!

      Teens Can Write, Too! is a blog run by teen writers for teen writers about [teen] writing! 😛 Yeah, the blog chain is a different writing prompt to do with writing that circulates every month. (I think the above link should work to get you to the blog) One selects a date (or in my case: was given a date I couldn’t do…) in the month to post their prompt-inspired post and link to the rest of the chain. As above. Voila.

      1. Thank you very much for the input. All this teen-writing stuff is new to me. I’ve never met any other teen writers ’till now. (people at my school aren’t all that creative)

          1. Well, I responded to that ‘teens can write too’ blogging chain for april. But my comment disappeared. Perhaps I forgot to hit ‘post’ or something after writing it…

            Ah well, I’ll try again I suppose. What writing sites would you recommend? I’m not too good at finding stuff on the internet, I’m afraid.

              1. So I was just looking at protagonize. Says you’re the most influential author of the week, or something of that ilk. Congrats!
                I should probably use that, but blogging’s already hard enough work as it is. I’ve no spare time, dammit! Nonetheless, I’ll probably use it eventually. Let me just bookmark it, along with all the other writing stuff I’ve never gotten around to completing.

                1. Ooh, thanks for pointing that out *happy face* The author stats used to be more obvious until they changed the layout. It’s probably ’cause I’ve just finished my novel, so I’ve been posting almost every day of the week.
                  Haha, I know exactly what you mean. My priorities change a lot, but most of the time blog and Protagonize and Twitter find themselves at the top, and Facebook at the bottom.

                2. Congratulations on finishing your novel! You’ve written six manuscripts? Woah. I’ve only managed two. Though I’m working on a third, its progressing very slowly. I was faster before I started my blog. Perhaps I need some sort of inspiration – I can write really fast when I’m inspired.
                  I don’t think I ever use Facebook any more. My last post was… say… two months ago. There’s really nothing to do on there. Blogging is more fun too. There are actually people on here who like random trivia.

                3. I just think about things a lot. And now of them are first or second drafts anyway.
                  In a way I was faster before my blog, but it has also allowed me to have a more attuned sense of time. I think I owe blog writing the fact that I wrote ten chapters in two weeks – something I NEVER do.
                  I know, right! The only times I go on Facebook are to update my profile picture and cover photo (because I’m vain like that!) or to response to something someone has said. I rarely actually post things.

                  By the way, I was looking through your blog. (I would have liked posts, but I’m universally having trouble with the like button.) You write really well! *slightly jealous face* Whilst I don’t have time to read Blood Over Ithaca at the moment, I enjoyed the first chapter. The voice reminds me of the way Derek Landy writes. And that’s a good thing.

                4. Well, my problem with blogging is that it took a lot of effort to get started and find followers and make all my various posts. It’s a bit less challenging now, though I generally write on my lunch periods at school. I don’t eat lunch though – I seem to have adapted to having meals at 4:00 in the afternoon.

                  I learned how to write snappy dialogue from Skullduggery, yeah. And the Bartimaeus Trilogy, which are some of my favourite books of all time. Thanks! Honestly, your writing’s great too. I like your blog posts a lot, and I’ll be sure to check out your Protagonize work when I have time. 😀

                5. I eat lunch whilst I think of blogging. It kinda works xD. Alas, school sucks everything away.

                  Cool 🙂 I love writing dialogue, especially conflict dialogue, but I’ve never managed that kind of snappiness. I was Googling for the image of the Faceless Ones cover in the adverbs post and I came across a reviewer who said that the dialogue between Skuluduggery and Valkyrie reminds her of the conversations between The Doctor [Who] are Rose [Tyler]. I so agree; I loved that couple when they were around.

                6. Snappy dialogue is by far my favourite dialogue. My problem is more now that I have to try when writing more serious dialogue. I’m so used to having characters throw witty insults at one another I’ve near-forgotten the other stuff.
                  Have you ever heard of the Bartimaeus Trilogy, by the way? You should check them out; they’re some of the best books I’ve ever read. I think I’ve re-read them maybe five times now… around once a year.
                  I don’t watch Doctor Who (*looks sad), but I DO watch Sherlock. Does that get me any points? They’ve got snappy dialogue, for sure.
                  School is such a distraction. Doesn’t help I suck at chem, so I fret about my mark a lot. No matter how hard I study I can’t seem to grasp it.

                7. It’s awesome. I’ve kind of become the other way around: I write so much straight dialogue that snappy escapes me.
                  I know I’ve heard of it, but I’m sorry to say that I can’t remember why.
                  Ah, it’s more complicated now compared to Ten-Rose era, but I’d still recommend it for sci-fi and characterisation.
                  I have a feeling you’re talking about the modern Sherlock, rather than the traditional, but that still gets you literally HEAPS of points. Mysteries for the win! *punches air*
                  Ah, can’t help you there, ‘fraid. I gave up Chemistry two years ago – at the right time, too. For people said that the next level was hard. I just stick to Psychology as my science (I promptly managed to fail Physics. I exaggerate, but it was close.)

                  Hey, you know you said you thought your Teen Can Write, Too! comment got lost? I just looked at the chain and you are on there, on the 27th. So heads up for that!

                8. I love the modern Sherlock. Moriarty cracks me up, honestly. There’s an American one too, Elementary, that’s supposed to be good. Though Watson is asian and a woman, which breaks from the book more than a little. 😉

                  Psychology? What do you learn in psychology? I only know the famous contriversial experiments like Stanford Prison and a bunch of stuff on personality disorders (I may possibly be insane). It’s definitely a subjext I’d want to take.

                  I don’t get the math in Chem. Which is odd. i’m usually so good at math.

                  And I sent a second comment. Which stayed put, yay! Now I just need to think of something to write about…

                9. Yeah, I’ve seen a few episdoes of Elementary. I did a post about a month ago about it and about Sherlock’s theory of the brain as an attic. I agree: I think Lucy Liu is a great actress, but I’m not keen on a female Watson.
                  I didn’t know of Zimbardo’s Stanford Prison experiment until after I started (actually, we looked at it in detail for Conformity last year) – though, to be fair, I didn’t know many experiments. And now I have to be able to reel them off top of my head. Oh, blimey. Well, the topics I’m being examined upon this year are Aggression, Relationships, Schizophrenia, Sleep, Addiction, and the research methods maths bit.
                  It’s a good subject, very interesting. I’m suprised at its recent surge in popularity, though, since it’s been a subject for over 100 years now. In a way, I’m annoyed it’s something I want to do, because people will be thinking “oh, look, another Psychology student.”
                  But it’s not usual Maths is it? It’s kinda applied.
                  Yay! To be honest, I never know what to write. Tht’s why I only do the chain every other month or if inspired.

                10. Lucy Liu’s an awesome actress, for sure. I suppose I should watch more of the episodes before I decide whether or not her version of Watson is likeable. So long as they don’t do some sort of romance between her and Holmes everything should be good.
                  Psychology has always been a subject of interest for me. Pretty much everything about the human mind is fascinating. I like to learn why people tick. Plus, the experiments are neat. Stuff like the Bystander effect with Kitty Genovese is fascinating. Okay, I like to read about how selfish people can be, but only because I never knew before.
                  I get what you’re saying though. A lot of people take psychology but aren’t really serious about it. I know people who take stuff like anthropology and psychology, but want to be engineers and doctors.
                  What makes Chem hard is the application. The equations aren’t overly difficult; it’s more figuring out how to use what where that gets me.

                11. I think she’s pretty likable – I mean, alongside drug-recovering Holmes – but I’d have to see more, too. I don’t know much about ideas for plot, so I couldn’t say, but I hope the don’t. That’s one of the issues with having male and female leads; it’s too tempting to throw them into a relationship to keep the tension.
                  🙂 Yeah, I like to try and understand how humans think. That was one of my main reasons for choosing psychology before I got into the specifics of cognitive Psychology like intelligence, memory and perception.
                  Ah, that may be because univeristies and employers count Psychology as a science, so people who wnat to be doctors but find they don’t enjoy other sciences can do Psychology.
                  YES! That’s just like me and Physics – I know most of the equations and can do practicals, but put me in an exam with abstract questions about waterways in a dam and unrelatable situations, and I can’t apply well what I know.

                12. Having Watson and Holmes hook up sounds like a really really bad fancfic. I hate a lot of relationships media does. There are so many unrealistic clichés. Like movies where the girl’s uninterested and the guy wins her over by persistently bothering her, doing some stupid stunt to get her attention, or all-out assaulting her (Daredevil, ahem). I mean, if the girl didn’t like him the first time, why would she like him again?

                  Then again nowadays that kind of idiocy seems to be attractive. So maybe they’ve got the right idea.

                  The application stuff is the most confusing part of all sciences. Plus, I can never muster the effort to do any homework, which doesn’t help any. I study a lot, though. I try dammit! I try!

                  I think I’ll take psychology, if I have a free course next year. It sounds like something I’d really enjoy.

                13. Well, yeah, that would be a bad move.
                  Your second pargarph is probably true. Whilst I myself wouldn’t be won over by someone like that, I can imagine that the persistence may well work. For writers, we’ve got to mak it plausible; for TV, they don’t have to go all out.

                  Haha, okay. Yeah, that’s why I think I’d probably not be a great scientist, as much as I love science in theory.

                  Good 🙂

                14. I believe the way it generally works is that the guy is persistent until the girl agrees to go out with him, just to shut him up. And then he charms her with his manly douchebaggery.

                  You’d be a great scientist I’m sure. All you need is a good companion cube and some lemons. 😀

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