March’s Teens Can Write, Too! blog chain is to ‘Write a letter to an antagonist‘. Eer, yeah, I’m not sure that that was going to happen, but then I ended up being put down. On Mother’s Day of all days. So, anyhoo, I’m writing this on the Saturday, in my own *precious* editing time. And, point two, I’m not taking myself very seriously, so don’t expect much seriousness from my dead mind.
I chose to write to Billy-Ray Sanguine from the Skulduggery Pleasant series. I don’t think he’s in the first couple of books, but he’s definitely in the second trilogy. And, although he’s not often a major antagonist (and is ambiguous in the final trilogy), he’s an annoying evil-person in mind. And he annoys me enough to write this letter to him…
To my evil
friend enemy, Billy-Ray,
I’d just like to list the ways and reasons I hate you, aside from your general state of being an annoying character in my head. Yeah. The more I think, the more I could complain about you – not as a written character, but as a living person.
I mean, I’d stare you in the eyes if – hey – you actually had eyes. But you don’t. So, hence comes my first point of your suckiness. What is up with those holes for eyes? It’s hardly a superpower. It’s creepy. Shut up.
Secondly, we need to talk about your attire. Full stop. You obviously don’t have a tailor like hunky Ghastly Bespoke where you live (and, yes, that was a jab against your lack of muscle tone. How nice of you to notice my slander). You could be worse. I’ll kind of bear that in mind, but it’s not changing a thing.
Following on from that – and, let’s see: clothing, appearance, annoyingness (let me list the ways…) – where do you live? Don’t get me wrong – I’m not an idiot – you don’t get an American accent from living in Italy, but where do burrowing worms (literally and insultingly. I’m that clever!) make their demon nest?
You just…don’t make sense, you know.
And yeah, the whole killing thing/obsession? Not impressive. That’s my final point. I hope you can dwell on that. Maybe even cry over it a little when/if you sleep. I could say words are spikier than swords, but I think you wouldn’t understand that.
PS. When I become the clone of Tanith Low, I’m so dumping you. On purpose this time. With the sword. To your throat.
Yeah, I’m evil, too.
The entire March chain:
March 5th – http://letsgetwriteral.blogspot.com
March 7th – http://miriamjoywrites.wordpress.com/
March 8th – http://charlieeatmybook.blogspot.co.uk/
March 9th – http://kkazulwolf.wordpress.com/
March 10th – https://missalexandrinabrant.wordpress.com/
March 11th – http://fida-islaih.blogspot.com/
March 12th – http://sarahhudsonscribbles.blogspot.ca
March 13th – http://musingsfromnevillesnavel.wordpress.com/
March 14th – http://aprilmayjay.blogspot.com/
March 15th – http://thelittleenginethatcouldnt.wordpress.com/
March 16th – http://oliviasopinions.wordpress.com/
March 17th – http://theloonyteenwriter.wordpress.com/
March 18th – http://insideliamsbrain.wordpress.com/
March 19th – http://paulinaczarnecki.wordpress.com/
March 20th – http://notebooksisters.blogspot.com/
March 21st – http://theteenagewriter.wordpress.com/
March 22nd – http://myswordandpen.wordpress.com/
March 23rd – http://mirrormadeofwords.com/
March 24th – http://eatwritedie.blogspot.com/
March 25th – http://realityisimaginary.blogspot.com/
March 26th – http://incessantdroningofaboredwriter.wordpress.com/
March 27th – http://insatiablebeforedeath.wordpress.com/
March 28th http://teenscanwritetoo.wordpress.com/ (We’ll announce the topic for next month’s chain)